Does She Know She's Missing Something?

Since Addy came into our lives almost eighteen months ago, there have been so many questions and only a few answers. Most of our questions, Addy has answered for us. She's shown us that she is able to figure things out, adapt, and improvise. There's one question that I find myself asking daily, more so lately. Does she know there's something missing?

We have watched Addy study her lucky fin so intensely that we wonder if she's putting two and two together. She will stare and pick at her little nubbins, she often points to her lucky fin and gives us a "what the heck?" look. She will reach into the trash can, using her left hand to hold open the lid, and reach in with her right arm, only to realize she can't grab the coffee filter full of coffee grinds laying on top to throw all over the kitchen. She will try to carry her juice cup and hold a toy, and struggles to figure out how to handle it all, but she always finds a way. Lately, there have been gloves. 

It's Winter, and it's freezing here. Keegan recently started preschool which means we venture out into the cold every day to take him and pick him up from school. He also gets to play outside if the weather permits, so Nana got him some really cool Batman gear to keep him warm. His Batman gloves have become one of Addy's new favorite things. As soon as we get in the door, Keegan begins stripping off layers, and no sooner does he pull off the first glove, Addy scoops it up and puts it on her lucky fin. Only on her fin. And then it happens: the look. The look that makes me wonder if she understands that she's missing a hand. That glove goes on and she starts clapping, and giggling, and showing it to us (read that as shoving it in our faces). She will wear it all afternoon if we let her. Is she excited to have more fingers? Obviously they don't work, she can't grab anything, or carry things easier, but does she enjoy the aesthetic look of them? I know that asking her these questions will only lead to one of her go to responses: nana, papa, turtle, bite, dog. She just can't express herself yet, and to be honest, I'm not sure I'm ready to try and answer her questions just yet. Yes, we have armed ourselves with as much information as we can over the past year, and I will of course be honest with her and try to explain her limb difference to her the best way I can. But I still fear hearing her ask me why she's different. 

I know that the community of friends we have built through different organizations will help Addy realize that being different is amazing. I know this because these parents have helped me. They have stayed in touch after only meeting one time, they have shared their stories of happiness and of heartbreak. They have explained to us the ebb and flow of this journey, one that we are only beginning to understand. My Addy is a force to be reckoned with. She will take the world by storm just like our other limb different friends who have been all over the media lately! Between Ezra Frech  and Tommy Morrissey sharing their stories on The Ellen Show, to Noah Galloway winning the "Ultimate Men's Health Guy" title and scoring the cover and the countless others spreading the word that anything is possible, our limb different friends are paving the way for our daughter and so many others like her, and I can't thank them enough. When Addy realizes she's different, and begins asking questions, I will be able to point to role models and our friends and show her that she is not alone. I guess I'm more ready than I thought, but that doesn't make it any less scary. Fingers crossed I have one more year of my blissfully unaware crazy girl before the questions start flying!