The over sharing of information seems to have skyrocketed in direct correlation to the skyrocketing of Faceook, Twitter, and other social media outlets. Things you would otherwise NEVER have said in public are now being splashed all over social media, all in the hopes of someone clicking the "like" button, retweeting it, or leaving you a comment. We all have those friends on Facebook that make us cringe with their over sharing and general abuse of Facebook, and if you're anything like me, you do monthly clean outs of your friend list to ensure you don't have to hear every detail about someone's day...57 times a day.
My dear friend Jen, over at Born Just Right wrote an amazing post about how she chooses not to post pictures of other limb different children on the blog, focusing only on her daughter Jordan. She gave insight about what brought her to the decision, and how even though her family has chosen to put themselves into the public eye through her blog, she fiercely protects both her daughter and other limb different children by not sharing their images without permission from parents. At the end of the post, Jen asked for people's opinions, and the responses she received made me think about our own devisions about Addy and social media.
From the moment Addy was born, and all of the chaos ensued, a primal need to protect my daughter from harm's way started surging through my blood. The first few images we shared of Addy on social media hid her limb difference, NOT because we were ashamed of it, but because we were still trying to wrap our minds around it, learn more about it, and inform our closest family and friends. Once we had our questions answered and knew that Addy was healthy, my husband and I drafted a brief statement to properly introduce Addy to our friends who were unaware of what was going on. We chose to use Facebook, as it was the easiest way to inform all of our friends without having to repeat the same information over and over (there was a lot of that the first few days after Addy was born).
Once we posted our statement, I was nervous to see what kind of a reaction people would have. I knew that our friends would love and adore Addy just as we did, but I also knew that this was going to shock many of them in the same way it did us. We received nothing but love and support from our friends and family. It was amazing! I read through the comments, one by one, tears streaming down my face. They all loved Addy just as much as we did, and they were all going to love her and watch her grow up and conquer the world right along with us.
With Addy's growing cuteness, so to did the amount of pictures I posted of her. Again, Facebook was an easy way for our friends and family who lived far away to keep up with Addy's progress and get their daily dose of cuteness. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think someone I knew would make a heartbreaking comment on a picture I posted of Addy, but it happened. And it hurt. And it made the protective mama bear come out in full freakin' force. With so many people coming to visit and meet Addy, and knowing the amount of pictures that would be taken, I made phone calls asking that no photos of Addy be posted to social media in order to give my husband and I full control of the content online about Addy, allowing us to monitor the comments made on pictures.
I went through my Facebook friend list and went on a deleting spree, only keeping people I knew well. I made sure that my privacy settings were strict, not allowing anyone access to my page without me friending them. I made sure family members and friends were aware of our wishes, and how much it meant to us to have their support. This does't mean that this was easy for all parties involved. We received a lot of kick back from some family members, not understanding why they weren't allowed to post pictures and show off Addy like we did, and the answer was simple: she's our daughter, end of story. We make the decisions, and this one was non-negotiable.
We extend the same protection to our son, making sure that his time on the iPad is monitored, and that the apps he uses are safe and educational. When they are old enough to have their own social media accounts, I will continue to monitor them. I think it's our job as parents to not only protect our children in the physical world, but to protect them in the world of technology as well. It's hard to turn on the television without hearing a story about cyber bullying, some so severe that it takes a young life far too soon. After reading Jen's post, I felt a sense of relief. I am not the crazy, over protective parent that takes extreme measures to protect my daughter from the prying eyes of strangers. I am doing my job.
I realize that having a blog detailing Addy's life seems hypocritical, but again, it was a choice I made with my husband. This blog has been like therapy to me, and has helped me deal with some truly crappy situations. It has given me a voice in the limb different community, something I have desperately wanted since the day Addy was born. I know that I cannot prevent another child from being born with a limb difference, I'm not sure I would want to if I had that power. What I do want is to create a place where parents of these amazing kids can come and feel a sense of community, a sense of belonging, a sense of comfort. A place where they too have a voice. If I can accomplish that for just one single family...it's all worth it.
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