Addy is doing amazing. She is a firecracker with crazy blonde curls, sparkling blue eyes, and perfectly pedicured little toes. The princess obsession is in full swing, and it's hard to pry her out of her dress up gear at bath time...but she's still a tough little cookie who has mastered the art of the choke hold.
This year we have been fortunate enough to share Addy's story several times in the media, and have made more friends in the limb different community. In two weeks, we are finally attending our first Helping Hands Picnic to connect with even more amazing families on this journey with us. She is thriving, right on track developmentally, and chatting up a storm.
With all of these wonderful things happening, it's really hard to admit that I am struggling. Addy's birthday brings memories flooding back, and the tightness in my chest settles in and won't let go. I'm not sleeping, I'm dreaming about Addy's birth, and the panic attacks take hold at night and don't stop until the sun comes up. I've refilled a prescription that I never intended to, I'm taking my deep breaths, and I'm trying to hide the tears when they start rolling out of no where.
We celebrated Addy's birthday up at the lake house this weekend, and I made it through with minimal tears, trying to stay present in the happy moment and snap pictures to remember Addy's sweet face every time she ripped the presents open to find yet another Frozen themed gift. Tomorrow is her official birthday, and we will celebrate again on a smaller scale just the four of us.
Once the frosting is wiped away, and I've bribed Addy out of her tiara and princess shoes, I will lay her down in bed, and allow myself to fall apart. I'll remember every moment of her arrival, the painful days that followed, and all of the tough moments we've had over the last two years. Then I will look to the future, knowing that Addy will continue to prove to us that having ten fingers is overrated. A sweet friend reminded me that the first two years of her son's life were the hardest for her as well, and knowing that I'm not alone in my feelings softens the edges of my fear and doubts. Hopefully Addy's third birthday won't hit me as hard, but I know that these feelings will always bubble to the surface around her birthday each year. This is our journey with Addy, and I'm still trying to manage the ride as best I can.
Happy Birthday sweet girl. You've changed my life in so many ways.
You are more loved than you will ever know, my amazing Addy Grace.
