Addy's arrival initially sent all of those thoughts spinning, and left me wondering if I would be able to share those girlie things with my daughter. The fear of missing out on those things gutted me and shook me to my core. Now that Addy has shown us that conquering the world around her is not only going to happen, but happen in amazing ways... I keep adding to the list. Some of them will be tricky for her, some will be easy, and some have nothing to do with her only having one hand.
Teach Her How to Crochet
I learned how to crochet when I was ten years old, being taught by not just one of my grandmothers, but both of them. Each time I saw my grandma, she would teach me a new stitch, help me start a new project, and oversee my progress during our visit. I can still feel her moving my hands through the motions, and smelling her perfume as she leaned over the back of my chair to help me count stitches and fix my mistakes. Now that I have honed my skills, I find it relaxing to feel the yarn slide between my fingers and watch a project come to life. I want to sit in the floor with Addy and a ball of yarn and watch her figure out how to hold the yarn and needle. I want to watch her try, and try, and try, and get frustrated with it, and then try again. I want to share this hobby with her more than I can put into words, but I also believe that crocheting will teach her patience. Hopefully I can pass this along to her, and one day she will be able to make a blanket for her own child just like I did for her.
Teach Her How to Play Softball
I'm not sure I'm going to have to "teach" Addy how to play softball, maybe just help her play. There's no doubt in my mind Addy will figure out how to throw and catch a ball with only one hand, so I'll just offer to help her perfect her craft. Softball was a big part of my life for many years, both playing and coaching. I cherish the memories I have playing on a team, and cherish even more the memories I have from coaching. I want to spend our weekends at the ballfields watching double headers, and cheering on our girl as she proves to everyone that having ten fingers is overrated. I hope that even if Addy doesn't choose softball, another sport will give her the opportunity to prove to others that her limb difference is not a DISability, but an ABILITY.
Teach Her to Love Her Body
I inherited my big ass and big thighs thanks to my mother's side of the family, and only accepted them as being with me forever after meeting my husband...he loves my big ass. I spent years comparing myself to my stick thin and perfectly built younger sister. I have made peace with my body, knowing that unless I commit to starving myself and spending hours in the gym, I will never be a size 6. Yes, I have weight to lose, and I will lose it eventually. But even then, I will never come close to resembling a Victoria's Secret model, I'm just not built that way. I have grown two beautiful babies, I housed them in my belly for nine long months, and earned every stretch mark and both of my cesarean section scars. While I won't be showing them off in a bikini anytime soon, I am proud of them. I want Addy to grow up knowing that she is beautiful, regardless of what society deems as beautiful. She will be beautiful if she is a size 2, and she will be beautiful if she is a size 22. She will be beautiful with one hand. I know that she will at some point have feelings about her limb difference, but she will have her family, and an entire community of truly amazing people who will love her and help her through those feelings. I hope that she will love and accept herself, the way we all love and accept her.
Teach Her to Paint Her Nails & Braid Her Hair
This will be tricky, but it's a right of passage as a girl that you paint your nails obnoxious colors and braid each other's hair at sleepovers. I can't wait for Addy to have girls spend the night, pop them popcorn, line up the nail polish, and then listen to them giggle and squeal as they gossip about boys and sing songs as the top of their lungs. With the help of so many of our friends in the limb different community, there are plenty of YouTube videos and resources for us to pour over to help Addy figure out how to do these girlie things, but I'm sure she will have her own unique way of doing them. If all else fails, I can always take my girl for a mini spa day!
Teach Her How to Cook & Bake
When I was in the first or second grade, my mom tried a new recipe. She spent hours shopping for the exotic ingredients, and hours preparing the meal. Her intentions were in the right place, but as the smell started wafting from the kitchen, my sister and I quickly made up our minds that we were not eating whatever was about to be set in front of us. My dad, ever the supportive husband, told us that since our mother had spent ours preparing it, that we were going to eat it...no matter how awful it was. All of that changed after he took his first bite. A pizza was ordered, and the meal was ran down the garbage disposal. The lesson learned? Learn to cook, and learn to cook well. That old saying the way to a man's heart is through his stomach is true. Ask my husband. I want to pass down to Addy the family recipes that have been at every Thanksgiving and every Christmas dinner. I want her to have my grandmother's sugar cookie recipe, the one that people beg me for and that I refuse to give away. Selfishly, I hope that she will want some of my recipes, and carry on our traditions with her own family someday. I hope that she enjoys being in the kitchen, and that the cooking set I have hidden in my closet for her for Christmas gets put to good use.
Teach Her to Accept Others & Ask Questions
This is something I want for both of my children. Keegan has already shown us how big his heart is, and how amazing his soul is. You never know how a three year old will react to someone being physically different, it took him months before he ever mentioned anything about Addy's arm. When I took him over to Jenn's house for the first time, I wasn't sure what he would say about her being in a wheelchair. I had explained to him that she was in a wheelchair, but still...he's an unpredictable three year old (he thinks she has super powers...it's the cutest thing ever). We've been to several LFP get togethers where Keegan interacts with the kids and doesn't pay any attention to their limb differences. At a park this summer, he befriended a little boy with Down Syndrome, and they spent the afternoon being the "good guys" chasing away the "bad guys". I want them to be brave and ask questions instead of stare, because staring leads to hurt feelings...we've been on the tail end of it, it's not fun for anyone. I want to teach both of my kids that being different is a wonderful thing, something to celebrate, and a chance to educate. I hope that Addy will take notice of her brother's big heart, and follow in his footsteps of being a loving and accepting soul. Nothing would make me more proud.
These are just a few of the things I hope to teach my girl. The list will continue to grow as the years pass by. I know my husband has his own list of things he wants to pass down to the kids, probably more manly things like how to change a tire or tie the perfect knot. I would venture a guess that Addy will continue to teach us just as many things as we teach her. She has already opened our eyes to so many new things, and truly made us all better people just by being around her. She's my sassy little lady, and I know that she will do amazing things and shock us all with what she accomplishes in her life. I can't wait to watch my little girl become an incredible woman. Just not too fast...
Teach Her How to Crochet
I learned how to crochet when I was ten years old, being taught by not just one of my grandmothers, but both of them. Each time I saw my grandma, she would teach me a new stitch, help me start a new project, and oversee my progress during our visit. I can still feel her moving my hands through the motions, and smelling her perfume as she leaned over the back of my chair to help me count stitches and fix my mistakes. Now that I have honed my skills, I find it relaxing to feel the yarn slide between my fingers and watch a project come to life. I want to sit in the floor with Addy and a ball of yarn and watch her figure out how to hold the yarn and needle. I want to watch her try, and try, and try, and get frustrated with it, and then try again. I want to share this hobby with her more than I can put into words, but I also believe that crocheting will teach her patience. Hopefully I can pass this along to her, and one day she will be able to make a blanket for her own child just like I did for her.
Teach Her How to Play Softball
I'm not sure I'm going to have to "teach" Addy how to play softball, maybe just help her play. There's no doubt in my mind Addy will figure out how to throw and catch a ball with only one hand, so I'll just offer to help her perfect her craft. Softball was a big part of my life for many years, both playing and coaching. I cherish the memories I have playing on a team, and cherish even more the memories I have from coaching. I want to spend our weekends at the ballfields watching double headers, and cheering on our girl as she proves to everyone that having ten fingers is overrated. I hope that even if Addy doesn't choose softball, another sport will give her the opportunity to prove to others that her limb difference is not a DISability, but an ABILITY.
Teach Her to Love Her Body
I inherited my big ass and big thighs thanks to my mother's side of the family, and only accepted them as being with me forever after meeting my husband...he loves my big ass. I spent years comparing myself to my stick thin and perfectly built younger sister. I have made peace with my body, knowing that unless I commit to starving myself and spending hours in the gym, I will never be a size 6. Yes, I have weight to lose, and I will lose it eventually. But even then, I will never come close to resembling a Victoria's Secret model, I'm just not built that way. I have grown two beautiful babies, I housed them in my belly for nine long months, and earned every stretch mark and both of my cesarean section scars. While I won't be showing them off in a bikini anytime soon, I am proud of them. I want Addy to grow up knowing that she is beautiful, regardless of what society deems as beautiful. She will be beautiful if she is a size 2, and she will be beautiful if she is a size 22. She will be beautiful with one hand. I know that she will at some point have feelings about her limb difference, but she will have her family, and an entire community of truly amazing people who will love her and help her through those feelings. I hope that she will love and accept herself, the way we all love and accept her.
Teach Her to Paint Her Nails & Braid Her Hair
This will be tricky, but it's a right of passage as a girl that you paint your nails obnoxious colors and braid each other's hair at sleepovers. I can't wait for Addy to have girls spend the night, pop them popcorn, line up the nail polish, and then listen to them giggle and squeal as they gossip about boys and sing songs as the top of their lungs. With the help of so many of our friends in the limb different community, there are plenty of YouTube videos and resources for us to pour over to help Addy figure out how to do these girlie things, but I'm sure she will have her own unique way of doing them. If all else fails, I can always take my girl for a mini spa day!
Teach Her How to Cook & Bake
When I was in the first or second grade, my mom tried a new recipe. She spent hours shopping for the exotic ingredients, and hours preparing the meal. Her intentions were in the right place, but as the smell started wafting from the kitchen, my sister and I quickly made up our minds that we were not eating whatever was about to be set in front of us. My dad, ever the supportive husband, told us that since our mother had spent ours preparing it, that we were going to eat it...no matter how awful it was. All of that changed after he took his first bite. A pizza was ordered, and the meal was ran down the garbage disposal. The lesson learned? Learn to cook, and learn to cook well. That old saying the way to a man's heart is through his stomach is true. Ask my husband. I want to pass down to Addy the family recipes that have been at every Thanksgiving and every Christmas dinner. I want her to have my grandmother's sugar cookie recipe, the one that people beg me for and that I refuse to give away. Selfishly, I hope that she will want some of my recipes, and carry on our traditions with her own family someday. I hope that she enjoys being in the kitchen, and that the cooking set I have hidden in my closet for her for Christmas gets put to good use.
Teach Her to Accept Others & Ask Questions
This is something I want for both of my children. Keegan has already shown us how big his heart is, and how amazing his soul is. You never know how a three year old will react to someone being physically different, it took him months before he ever mentioned anything about Addy's arm. When I took him over to Jenn's house for the first time, I wasn't sure what he would say about her being in a wheelchair. I had explained to him that she was in a wheelchair, but still...he's an unpredictable three year old (he thinks she has super powers...it's the cutest thing ever). We've been to several LFP get togethers where Keegan interacts with the kids and doesn't pay any attention to their limb differences. At a park this summer, he befriended a little boy with Down Syndrome, and they spent the afternoon being the "good guys" chasing away the "bad guys". I want them to be brave and ask questions instead of stare, because staring leads to hurt feelings...we've been on the tail end of it, it's not fun for anyone. I want to teach both of my kids that being different is a wonderful thing, something to celebrate, and a chance to educate. I hope that Addy will take notice of her brother's big heart, and follow in his footsteps of being a loving and accepting soul. Nothing would make me more proud.
These are just a few of the things I hope to teach my girl. The list will continue to grow as the years pass by. I know my husband has his own list of things he wants to pass down to the kids, probably more manly things like how to change a tire or tie the perfect knot. I would venture a guess that Addy will continue to teach us just as many things as we teach her. She has already opened our eyes to so many new things, and truly made us all better people just by being around her. She's my sassy little lady, and I know that she will do amazing things and shock us all with what she accomplishes in her life. I can't wait to watch my little girl become an incredible woman. Just not too fast...
